Funny and Embarrassing
This page is for sharing funny and sometimes embarrassing things that have happened in my life. I know that everyone has these moments, but I seem to be a magnet for them.
If you enjoy having a good laugh in song, I am providing the link to Tom Paxton’s free download web page. Tom Paxton is a folk singer and songwriter who John Denver knew. Mr. Paxton wrote “Jimmy Newman,” “Forest Lawn,” “Whose Garden Was This,” “Saturday Night In Toledo, Ohio,” “The Marvelous Toy,” and I’m sure there are other Tom Paxton songs that John Denver recorded and I just can’t remember at the moment. I met Tom Paxton in Williamsburg, Virginia a few years ago and he is a wonderful person; I could listen to him sing 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and never tire of his music. Here is the link; I’m sure you will find some good chuckles here: http://www.tompaxton.com/download.html
True Story #1, or “I Saw It All”:
From 2000 to 2004, I was a manager and had approximately 35 employees. One Friday, I was working hard to catch up with things because I was going on a business trip to San Francisco the next week. I worked late and thought that I was the only person in my department; all of my employees were supposed to have gone home hours ago. I needed to leave something in the warehouse, so I unlocked the door to the warehouse and walked in. I thought it was odd that the lights had been left on. Just then, a warehouseman walked out of the back, totally naked (not even wearing shoes). Now, my college degree is in Fine Arts; I have worked with nude models and I don’t freak out at the sight of a naked man like many women would do. I burst out laughing!!! Needless to say, the employee was absolutely humiliated. I laughed for hours after that incident, and tears were rolling down my face I was laughing so hard. On the way out the door that night, I ran into one of my bosses, who sympathetically asked me what was wrong. I couldn’t stop laughing long enough to tell my boss what had happened. No names are being given here because the employee was very embarrassed. After I went home, I called my assistant at his home and told him what had happened. The following Monday, my assistant told the man that I had said he was small, only adding to his humiliation.
True Story #2, or “Karen, on the Rocks, Please!”:
This story is only considered funny because I didn’t get injured. It had the potential to have a very bad outcome.
My family lived a few years in Gloucester, Virginia. Gloucester is a pretty area surrounded by the York River and the Chesapeake Bay; it is the area where Pocahontas lived and met John Smith (by the way, the story of Pocahontas Disney wrote was NOT an accurate depiction). Anyway, I love to go fishing, but my husband doesn’t and just sits and watches me. One nice Sunday afternoon we went over to Yorktown (just on the other side of the York River). Yorktown has a nice area which has a beach and a place to fish. There was a huge plank propped up on a pile of gigantic boulders; it hung over the water and looked like the perfect place to fish. I fished for about 2 hours, and as we were leaving my husband gathered up my gear and headed on to the parking lot. I had been sitting on the end of the plank with my legs hanging over the edge, and didn’t realize my legs had stiffened. As I got up, I lost my balance and fell off the plank onto a boulder. I was flat on my back and afraid to move because I was face up and couldn’t see around me. The boulder was in the water (the area is salt water, full of creatures that bite, pinch and sting). I called to my hubby, but he was too far away to hear. He eventually realized I wasn’t behind him, and when he looked back toward where we’d been, he couldn’t see me. As he came back to see where I’d gone, he heard my cries for help but couldn’t figure out where they were coming from. The boulder was about 8 feet below the plank, and couldn’t be seen from the beach. Anyway, he finally found me and helped me off that boulder. He got a big kick out of it, as he says I’m so accident prone and that type of thing could only happen to me. However, I think my guardian angel was watching over me that afternoon. I had fallen about 8 feet and landed on my back, onto the top of a huge, flat, smooth boulder that was larger than me. I didn’t seem to be injured, which was amazing. My husband enjoys telling people about this incident.
True Story #3, or “The Close Encounter That Began and Ended My Daily Exercise Routine”:
When I lived in Florida, I worked at the VA Medical Center in West Palm Beach. It’s a beautiful facility with an exercise trail and ponds surrounding it. One nice day I decided to start an exercise routine and walk the trail at lunchtime instead of eating. It was a lovely sunny day with perfect temperatures and there were a lot of people outside enjoying the nice weather. I walked out the door of the hospital with my head held high and began booking down the sidewalk leading to the trail. I only got about 25 feet when, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a dark form partially on the sidewalk and partially in the grass, right in front of me. I didn’t pay much attention to it until I got right up to it and looked down to see what I was getting ready to step around. It was a 5-foot alligator, right at my feet! One more step, and I would have stepped right on it! I stopped dead in my tracks, and the alligator rose up on its feet. I slowly backed away and went over to an Engineering employee who was sitting nearby at a picnic table, eating his lunch. I said shakily, “There’s an alligator over there!!!” He casually looked at me and said, “Yeah, I saw that guy over there. I guess we should call the VA Police before someone gets hurt.” The man had a walkie-talkie and called the VA Police. I absolutely could not believe this was happening – people were walking around as if nothing was unusual, and there was an alligator in the middle of it all!!! I decided to hang around and see what was going to happen; I knew my boss would understand. The Police drove up in an SUV and blasted the siren. The alligator ran to a nearby bush, and ran around it in circles as if it was looking for a place to hide. After a few minutes of watching the police blasting the siren and getting nowhere with that gator (they were trying to scare it back into a pond), I decided I’d better go back to the office. I was shaken up and told my boss what had happened. Later on, I learned that the police had to contact the wildlife authorities and the alligator was caught and destroyed. They can’t relocate alligators that size because they have a strong homing instinct and go right back to where they were caught. Being an animal lover, I felt really bad for that poor alligator. From what I saw, it was just as afraid of me as I was afraid of it. When it rose up, I thought it was getting ready to attack me, but now I believe it was just getting ready to run from me. I found out that alligators, like most wild animals, are afraid of humans and will run. The ones that attack humans are either big, old ones that get bold in their old age and/or ones that get surprised by a sudden encounter with a human. Word quickly got around the medical center about my “close encounter” and a few people presented me with toy alligators as a remembrance of that occasion. To this day, I still have a couple of them in my office to remember the poor alligator that was destroyed because I had decided to exercise that day. I never returned to that walking trail.
True Story #4, or “What a Way to Go!”
Another thing about life in Southern Florida is that there are all kinds of lizards everywhere. For those of you who are afraid of lizards, they are nothing to fear as they run when they see a human. Anoles, which are the common type of chameleons that they used to sell at circuses, are abundant and can be found in grass and bushes everywhere (we even had one living under our refrigerator for a while). One day my husband and I came home from going out somewhere, and when I got out of the car there was a poor anole squashed flat on the seat of my pants. I obviously had sat on it. My husband saw it and said the poor thing’s eyes were popped out. He said that must have been a terrible death, as the last thing it saw was that big butt coming toward it!
True Story #5, or “Whoops!”
On my first visit to the Cleveland VA hospital, I decided to make a “pit stop” before my meeting. I slipped into a restroom and someone else was in there, but that was no problem as there were multiple stalls. When I came out of the stall, there was a man standing at the sink, washing his hands. I had gone into the MENS room! I apologized, and the man calmly said it was okay, he didn’t mind. Needless to say, I was embarrassed, and will need to read the sign on the door more closely from now on.
True Story #6, or “My Personal Model”
When I was in art school, I complained to an instructor that he only hired female models to pose nude for us, and that we needed to learn how to draw men also. The next time we had class, the instructor had two models instead of the usual one – a woman and a man. He had hired the woman for the rest of the class and the man just for me! He found an empty classroom and told the male model to go in there with me. I was used to having nude models, but not one all to myself and alone in the room. I told the model that he didn’t need to disrobe and I would just do his portrait. The instructor said, “No! He was hired to pose nude for you and that’s what he’s going to do!” SO I sat there, alone in the room in front of this nude man, and painted his portrait. It was an awkward situation. The model wound up being very friendly and we chatted the whole time and parted friends. I sold the model his portrait for $5 when class was over. My instructor grumbled “damned mercenary!!!” under his breath when he heard I had sold my portrait so cheap.